Ode to the Nice Girls

(Editted from a rant written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal; Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003)

This is a tribute to the nice girls. The nice girls that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and complaining about how girls can be such bitches, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those girls who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those girls who drink like men to show a sense of camaraderie in times of heartbreaks, gives reassuring pats on the back and sits around billiard tables listening to stories of getting even with the girls who broke their hearts. This is in honor of the girls that obligingly reiterate how handsome/cute/smart/funny/sexy their male friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know guys need that litany of support too. This is in honor of the girls with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the girls who respect a guy’s every facet, from his privacy to his theology to his lack of manners.

This is for the girls who escort their drunk, bewildered male friends back from parties and never gets mad when she suddenly becomes the designated driver, for the girls who accompany guys to be used as “trophy women” so that they won’t be seen alone, for the girls who know a guy is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the girls who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the girls who are accredited as girlfriend material but somehow don’t end up being girlfriends, for all the nice girls who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice girls who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time he left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone thinking you should be available all the time, and when you called him back, he spent three hours painstakingly dissecting the conversation he and his girlfriend had over dinner. And even though you thought his girlfriend was such a bitch, you assured him that it was all ok and he shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time he interrupted the best part of a movie marathon with your friends to talk you into joining him for a round of beer that you know will last forever. And even though you thought it was something you couldn’t do because you have a life too, you said goodbye to your friends and rushed to where he was. This is also for that time he didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, he dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, music was awful, and he flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for his ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice girls don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice girls don’t seem to get serious dates as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many guys are just illogical, manipulative assholes. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice girl, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, she’s too nice to date” or “she would be a good girlfriend but she’s not for me” or “she already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask her out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable women in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date female friends to sympathize and apologize for the women that are bitches. Sorry girls, guys like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice girl!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete bitch!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-girl-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many guys who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice girls, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those guys, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those guys are found, I propose a toast to all the nice girls. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the billiards table and counterstrike joints. Your party escorting services is needed until they find another girl to have fun with. Your propensity to be a sucker for puppy looking eyes should be there when they ask for endless favors. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.Ü