Food for Thought

The lonely one offers her hand too quickly to whomever she encounters.
- Friedrich Nietszche

I Can’t Make You Love Me...

For some reason, I can't bring myself to sing this song...There are still voices inside my head that's telling me there is at least one bone in his body that loves me. And, if the time comes that he tells me he can't love me, I don't know if I'll give up the fight...

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
don’t patronize
Don’t patronize me
Cause I can’t make you love me
if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel
something it won’t
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I’ll feel the power
but you won’t
No, you won’t
Cause I can’t make you love me
if you don’t
I’ll close my eyes
then I won’t see
the love you don’t feel
when you’re holding me
Morning will come
and I’ll do what’s right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight
Cause I can’t make you love me
if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel
something it won’t
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I’ll feel the power
but you won’t
No, you won’t
Cause I can’t make you love me
if you don’t...

Ang Pinag-Usapan

I spent my "ME" time with my good friend Jean. We had coffee at Starbucks, and I finally got my planner. Woohoo!Ü Now I have to wait til January so that I can start writing on it. Maybe that would also be the best time to start a new life...Hmm...Anong life kaya? Sabi ko kay Jean, magpapaka-hard to get ako. As in paligaw ng matagal at no sex before marriage! and then she started laughing?!?!?! Mean friend! Hmph!=(

Anyway, we had a good lunch at Cafe Bola after Starbucks, and this was where we had our drunken conversation. Nalasing kami sa antok at busog.Ü

REi: Bakit ba ang dami kong kailangang i-let go ngayon??
MeanJean: Ganun talaga...
REi: Effort na to e! Ang hirap i-let go ng mga memories...
MeanJean: HeeHee...

REi: Punyeta! May mga bagay talaga na kahit anong effort ang gawin mo, hindi pa rin magwowork!!!
MeanJean: (hysterically laughs!)

REi: Shyeeettttt!!! Di pa kasi ako nakuntento! Pinilit pa! Pinilit pa! Sinabi na ngang di pwede!
MeanJean: (lasing na kakatawa sa friend nyang ume-effort!)

And so, ano nga bang pinag-uusapan namin???

Hindi po ang masalimuot kong lovelife, kundi ang celfone kong nag-low batt habang nagsesave ako ng MP3 file! Ayaw kasing ma-save sa dami ng pictures sa fone ko. And so I had to "let go" of a lot of things that mean to me just to make sure that the new song has a space. Tapos, nung nagse-save na, nag-low batt ba naman?!?! Tsk...Tsk.."Kahit anong effort ko", I just "couldn't save" the damn thing! And after a few minutes, "sinubukan ko pa ulit". And still, namatay pa rin ang fone ko...."pinilit ko pa kasi".

There are lessons learned. Marami. Thanks Jean. You made my learning experience less painful.Ü

If you have to love, don’t.

Taken from MeanJean.net...

"If you have to love, don’t.

Especially if the one you’re going to love doesn’t love you back. Unrequited love must not fill a space in your existence. Unrequited love sucks, hurts and kills. Don’t read between the lines of sweet text messages he sent to you. Don’t dwell on the memories that you had with him, because most definitely, he is not dwelling on them, either.

Don’t fall for him. To fall in love with him will be an awful blow to your vulnerable emotions. Because surprise, surprise, he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. He is just sweet, remember? Assuming that someone loves you is the most stupid reason for propelling oneself to love.

So don’t assume. And if it happens that you really don’t, but you have the urge to love the guy anyway, because whoa, the guy is a catch, try your hardest to control the feeling. Better stop now than endure a thousandfold pain later.

Love is the sweetest thing, I know. It’s the greatest feeling. That is, if the one you love loves you back. There can’t be anything better than that. But if the situation is wherein you’re falling for someone who just considers you as a friend,that’s a different story.

As much as possible, evade from those heart-wrenching situations. Love is hard to control, but try anyway. Give your best shot at falling out of love. You’re lucky if you detect the absurdity and the pain of unrequited love right away, because it spares you from going through a lot of hell. All you have to do is simply occupy yourself with other things. Have fun with your life.

You will fall soon, and this time, you will not get hurt, because he will reciprocate the feeling. It will not be now, but it will come in due time. Love is all about sacrifice, giving one’s self freely, with no strings attached, you say. Hell, I know that. I know love is supposed to work that way. Love is really supposed to hurt, but that’s what makes love "love".

But, this is my stand. And I know you respect that. Love has pained me so much to actually believe that it is better to have not loved at all."

I wish I Wasn’t In Love With You

I’m home alone again
And you’re out, hanging with your friends
So you say, somehow I know it’s not quite that way
It’s getting pretty late and you haven’t checked on me all day
When I called you didn’t answer
Now I’m feeling like you’re ignoring me
And I wish, I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
It just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve me
Wasted my time thinking about you and you ain’t never gonna change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So I wouldn’t feel this way
When you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forget
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you thats why I’m so mad
Now I’m drowning in disappointment, and it’s hard for me to even look at you
I wish I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret
Said you care about me, but from what I see
I ain’t feeling that, so I disagree
Gave you all my love and understanding and you treated me like your enemy
So leave me alone, don’t want nothing from you
Just go back where you came from this house is no longer your home
You can not never come no more
I hear you knocking at my door again
I’m wondering should I let you in
I open up the door and see the flowers for me so beautiful in your hands
You start begging me to take you back, I’ve always been a sucker for romance
And before you know it I can see, you’re all over me
Oh no here I go again
I wish I wasn’t in love with you so you couldn’t hurt me

Sad, Depressed, Lonesome, Etc...

It's over...or so we say it is...

We had such a wonderful weekend considering that we joined Mariel's party at Calatagan, Batangas. We enjoyed to the fullest and there's no denying that. However, come Sunday night, when we went home, things SUDDENLY changed. And I mean suddenly, as in abruptly.

And it's true, it's not the fact that some good things never last that hurts, but the SUDDEN STOP of habits formed over more than a year...

Love sucks.

A Good Week....Almost.

I started the week by watching Harry Potter again with sweet...It is a nice film so okay lang ulitin...with him pa.Ü

And then, come Wednesday, I had this nagging feeling that I want to absent myself from work...and so I did...I had coffee with Jean and Paan, and had lunch at Cafe Bola. After my date with my friends, sweet and I watched Prime:




It's a nice film...Feel-good na hindi...Eh pano naman, despite the fact that the girl was 14 years older than the guy, they still mananged to make the relationship work...they loved each other kasi. But, in the end, they had to part ways because of differing backgrounds and lifestyles. Bakit ganun no? Why do good things have to end? Why can't they last? Haay...

Thursday, we planned to see a movie again. Pero di natuloy because Chloe the poodle is sick. Pero shempre, sumundo pa sha ng gabi...at dito nagsimula ang gulo.

I was texting him, and he was replying, before 10pm (before I went to work). And so, I assumed that he can still call me up. But no. Nakakagulo na pala ako. In short, inaway na naman ako dahil nag-away sila. I heard those words again..."ano bang problema mo...", "ayoko na...", "let's stop this..."...

Why do I always have to be threathened that he's going to leave me when I fail to check my watch when I'm texting him? Why does he have to tell me that he wants to end this when I know that in a few days he'd have someone new to replace me? Why does he have to play with my emotions when I am asking for nothing in return? Why does he have to hurt me when the fact that I am with him and I know about his relationship is already a hurtful fact?

The weekend is approaching, and we were suppose to go to Batangas with my cousins...ano ng sagot nya ngayon? "BAHALA NA DAHIL I'M PISSED WITH YOU...How would we enjoy when I'm pissed with the only reason I'm going there?!"

Pucha. Sira ang mga plano dahil may unlimited load ako na pangtext.

I am beyond sad...devastated actually. And I need a new man!!! Sorry Jean. I guess pwede akong subject nung friend mong may thesis sa proposition na "It takes another man to forget the other one."

I'm wishing so hard that when I wake up tomorrow, I'd be able to move on...

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Your 1920's Name is:

Gussie Bonita

What's Your 1920's Name?

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Your Monster Profile

Cruel Nightmare You Feast On: Peanut Butter You Lurk Around In: Las Vegas You Especially Like to Torment: Hicks

What's Your Monster Name?

I act 26 pala! Haha!

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

Nagalit sila...=(

Pagtulungan ba ko?!? Wawa naman ako...=(
-----
TaLLuLaH: WAG REI!
ME: to namang mga to
TaLLuLaH: WE ARE CONCERNED FRIENDS
ME: akala nyo naman may pera akong pangrent!
PaToU: ano?
PaToU: kahit na
PaToU: the thought that you're considering
TaLLuLaH: WE DONT WANT YOU TO BURY YOURLSELF DEEPER
PaToU: oo nga
PaToU: nakalubog ka na nga
ME: oh by the way
PaToU: ibabaon mo pa sarili mo
PaToU: crazy
ME: have i told u guys that he said hindi nya pananagutan pag nabuntis ako?
ME: astig
PaToU: i know about that
PaToU: see?
TaLLuLaH: YES
TaLLuLaH: SEE????
PaToU: and you're considering moving in with him?
ME: naidaldal ko na pala
PaToU: sus!!!!
TaLLuLaH: tapos why the fuck are you still wasting your time with him????
TaLLuLaH: why, rei, WHY???
ME: pag malapit sa ofc ko!
PaToU: she's crazy
ME: BECAUSE I'M STIL HAPPY
PaToU: pucha if you're happy kaso ganyan naman
PaToU: think about your future
ME: i take one day at a time
ME: wala namang iba ah?
ME: kung meron ba eh di kakalas na ko
ME: ayokong mag isa no
PaToU: kaya mo?
TaLLuLaH: okay so kung mabuntis ka?
TaLLuLaH: aber?
ME: aalagaan ko!
PaToU: may pamangkin na tayong inchik
ME: at least kilala sha ng nanay ko
PaToU: yon nga eh
PaToU: kilala sha ng nanay mo
ME: sasabihin ko na lang na ayaw nya kong asawa e
PaToU: i mean wouldnt your mom be disappointed if that happens?
Me: its not gonna work even if he wants to marry me, that kind of shit
PaToU: eh alam nyang boyfriend mong hilaw yan
ME: i wil be diappointed too
PaToU: so baket ka papayag na pabuntis
TaLLuLaH: rei
ME: di naman ako mabubuntis!!!!
ME: ayaw nga nya
TaLLuLaH: please take time to read and absorb what you just wrote
ME: w/c 1?
TaLLuLaH: everything
ME: disappointment?
PaToU: yeah
ME: honestly, kung mabuntis nya ko
ME: ok lang
ME: pinag isipan ko na yan
TaLLuLaH: RIGHT
ME: kesa naman mabuntis ako ng fubu
TaLLuLaH: rei, you are thinking that because you're not in it yet
PaToU: yap
ME: mas mahirap i-explain sa parents
TaLLuLaH: but a kid is BIGGER RESPONSIBILITIES
PaToU: pag andon ka na sa situation na yon
PaToU: big problem
PaToU: true
ME: gusto ko na kasi ng anak e...
TaLLuLaH: yes, its more than taking care of an entire team of agents
TaLLuLaH: but you can't afford it yet
PaToU: buti sana kung
TaLLuLaH: THINK COLLEGE EDUCATION
TaLLuLaH: AND HEALTH
PaToU: pananagutan nya yan
PaToU: kahit child support or whatever
PaToU: but what did he tell you?
PaToU: di nya pananagutan
TaLLuLaH: AND FEEDING A CRYING BABY EVERYNIGHT
PaToU: oo nga
PaToU: papanget ka
Me: hala!!!!!!
PaToU: at dadame pimples mo
Me: di na ko nakasingit!!!
Me: nagpapalpitate ako sa mga sinasab nyo!
TaLLuLaH: sira social life mo with a kid
TaLLuLaH: career mo rin
Me: talaga bang i cant have everything???
PaToU: yeah
Me: chos
TaLLuLaH: you cant have everything just yet
TaLLuLaH: hold on meeting
TaLLuLaH: teka lang
PaToU: sige
PaToU: later
Me: yosi rin ako
PaToU: mag ym na lang ikaw teza
PaToU: ako ren yosi
TaLLuLaH: let us resume later
TaLLuLaH: may SD meeting lang ako
PaToU: k
PaToU: lets close the conf then
PaToU: later guys
-----
May mga editted sa conversation na yan...
Ok lang...I know my friends love me...Love you guys...Promise, magtitino na ko next year.Ü Kelan next year? Di ko pa masagot.Ü

Harry Potter!

Yesterday after work, I went straight to Greenbelt to meet up with Jean at Starbucks. And, she got the planner na!!!! Jean!!! Ampunin mo na yung card ko!!!=(

After coffee, we went to G4 to meet Paan and watched the most awaited movie of the year: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!




Awesome film! I liked it best.Ü

At shempre, uulitin ko pa ito sa Monday dahil magtatampo si sweet...

My Weekend

Saturday: I went straight to Greenbelt to have coffee with Abbie and Sanch. After coffee we had lunch at Cena. Good food!Ü What's even better is the fact that this was our time to catch up on each other's lives. Shempre, angst ridden and iba, pero it happens naman talaga e. We all go through those days na tinatamad na tayo sa work natin, especially when the things promised to us are borken. Basta mga friends, ito lang ang masasabi ko, I hope it helps to know na nagsisi ako when I left West. I could have been "someone" higher than what I am now (in terms of pay) if I stayed. Not that I'm complaining about my salary that much.=) Pero sana lang narecognize na rin ako sa mas malaking kumpanya if I was patient anough. Oh well. I moved out na...Buti na lang masaya pa rin ako sa narating ko, exclusing ETel!!!

We dropped by Powerbooks nga pala before lunch. Shempre napagastos na naman ako. I bought 2 books: Narnia 7, and a new one by Gaarder, The Orange Girl:




After our brunch, we met up with Jox, Candy and Nice (with others), for a quick chika lang. Medyo bangag na rin mga tao coz la pa tulog from shift. Ang gwapo ng anak ni Jox!Ü

I went home to sleep for 2 hours coz I met up with my HS friends come 9pm. We had dinner at Centro, then transferred to Music 21. Unfortunately, we were not able to sing our hearts out since puno sila and we're too busog to wait.=( I miss my friends. Wish Therese and Amaris had the chance to join. Ang hirap kasing yayain ng mga to e!

After our trip to Music 21,I went back to Starbucks GB3 to meet Lod, Jean, A and Marc. We went to Jean's place to hang out for a while, then I went home around 4am. Nice place Jean! Linisin lang ang carpet..Hehe.

Sunday: Anniversary! Can I just say that something "different" happened, but not in a good way...I wasn't expecting something elaborate since ilusyon lang naman most of this, pero sana man hindi kami sa RobPlace at sa McDo nagcelebrate di ba??? Eh sa normal date nga hindi kami nagpupunta dun no! At hindi ko na maalala kung kelan pa kami huling nag-McDo!!! My God talaga. And al this because of.....Chloe the Toy Poodle. Kakaselos talaga yang aso na yan!!! Imagine, I had to cut my date short dahil wala shang kasama sa house??? haay!!! Ipagpalit ba ako sa aso??? Imbyerna talaga.

Anyway, since na-bad trip ako, I went out with Jean and A again. Coffee ulit sa starbucks, at dinner sa Centro (ulit). Bakit nga ba ang mga problemang wlang solusyon (o ayaw solusyunan) ay sa coffee shop pinag-uusapan? Hmmm...

By the way, we watched Flight Plan. Nice naman.Ü




_____

So there. That was my weekend. Ok lang naman. Normal. Na-confirm lang na isang taon na ang katangahan ko!!! Woohoo!!!

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

1 YeAr...and CoUnTiNg!!!Ü

HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY SwEeT!!!








Ang tagal na nito...San to papunta...Ewan...Di ko pa rin alam...What's important right now is that we're happy. Sana lang di ba! Pano naman aabot ng ganito katagal kung di kami masaya.

If I were to be asked what a beautiful life is for me, I'd still hug the same person and tell the world....JUST LIKE THIS...Ü

Love you Sweet! Mwah!Ü

Itallianis

November 3...pagbukas ng mall...magkasama na kami ni Jean sa Starbucks.Ü Of course our ONLY option for coffee shops nowadays is Starbucks dahil nag-iipon na naman kami ng stickers! My god. I have 3 stickers pa lang!!!=(

Anyway, back to the topic...Itallianis. Paan met up with us at Starbucks, and we had lunch at Itallianis. Sagot ni Jean ang first 500! Woohoo! Ganyan talaga pag depressed Jean...Matuto ka.Ü

So, yun lang. Kumain lang kami dami.Ü

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.2
Mind:	6.3
Body:	5.2
Spirit:	7.9
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	4.3
Finance:	2.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$1,114,120

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Lod's Back!

Yup! Our dear friend is back from his 3-week vacation in the States. Of course, we all ended up at Krocodile, kung san mura ang pagkain.Ü

Kwentuhan lang about his trip, and how he wants to stay there na at mag-TNT but he doesn't want to "TARNISH his name daw". Mga friends, TARNISH! Baka garnish o varnish ang masabi natin sa interviews! AheheÜ

I missed my friends...There used to be 12 (or 16) members of PartyPeepz...tapos sa gatherings lately, 6 na lang dumadating...

Oh well...We have our own lives to live sabi nga...

Saturday with Jean

Yesterday, as soon as I got out of the office, Rochelle, Chynna, Jorge and me went straight to Glorietta for lunch. Jean was with us as well. And then, Jean and I watched a very useless film, "Waiting". Sana Four Brothers na lang! Anyway, napanuod na eh...but we learned something naman...The Cardinal Rule: Never Bitch with the People Who Handle Your Food!!! Grabe, hindi na talaga kami magsusungit sa restaurants.Ü

And then, we went to Starbucks after the movie. Shempre the primary reason is to have our cards accumulate more stickers, and of course, magchikahan to death. And so, I heard stories of my good friend Jean na medyo pumapangalawa na sa katangahan ko. My dear friend, we have our weird way of interpreting things when we are in love. This interpretation is something that others will never understand. I may be in the same situation (shitting-in-your-own-backyard type of thing) before, but it will never be exactly the same.

So, know where you stand, and act like it.

SwEeT NoVeMbEr...

November 3: I started my month with a BLAST!!! Finally, after 3 long months, something happened again. Geesh....I sond like a pervert...Kasi naman, di ba pag nanjan naman sa tabi mo, tapos ayaw lang talaga, parang may mali di ba??? There must be something wrong with me! Or with him! Actually, there is something wrong with our reationship nga pala.

Basta, happy ako...Mukhang lifted na ang pagba-ban nya sa gawaing ito.Ü

Woohoo!!!