Insensitive, Unshakeable Freak.

We fought. After our 9th monthsary. Great huh? Well, we often fight, but this was different. It left me puzzled, depressed, angry, pissed...insane? Halo-halo kasi eh... Feeling ko for a while I was able to experience the 5 stages of bereavement! I was in denial, I felt angry, I bargained in my thoughts, I felt depressed, I accepted it...and them I'm back to anger and depression. This is shitty.

I found him insensitive, and I told him about it. I told him that no amount of apology would work this time if he doesn't mean it. And so, he didn't reply with a sorry, but rather with stong words that hit me terribly.

Umiyak na naman ako. Lagi na lang. But then, the following day, he apologized and explained how he felt. So did I. He wouldn't want things to change, there's nothing to be paranoid about daw, but why is it that I can't seem to beleive him anymore? the past 9 months have proven that I feel secured in some ways, but now, feeling ko he'll just communicate with me if I start it all. Feeling ko mapapabayaan nya ako kung hindi ako ang gagawa ng move for us to see each other, talk to each other...

I just feel so terrible. I don't know where I stand. I'm afraid I'll lose him altogether -- lover and friend.

Life sucks.