6 MONTHS?

I just had to post this coz I can't beleive I'm still with him...6 months is a long time for something that's not going anywhere...But still, I prefer to be in this so-called relationship, regardless of how sad the predictable ending may be...


Jan and Me 

What Personality Disorder Are You?

You May Be a Bit Dependent ...

You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own... And you don't reallly think you ever could.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

What's your Japanese Name?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Kaori Nanba

What's your Japanese Name?

WICKED!

A good friend of mine recommended a good book by Gregory Maguire. It's called Wicked.

It is the untold story of the life and times of Oz's Wicked Witch of the West. I'm in the process of reading the book, and so far I'm enjoying it.=)

Unrequited Feelings

You love to see his gorgeous face
Pictured in that holy place
His fantastic smile sets you on fire
Each time you see him you soar higher

He picks you up he puts you down
His happy face & his cute frown
He seems perfect in everyway
But somethings keeping you at bay

I see there's a problem you can't ignore
It's killing you, you are too sore
To forget his love & affection
You are stuck in this one section

He has found his true soul mate
Now I see that you're too late
Still in too deep you can't get out
He although has no doubt

She is for him; he is for her
You've got no chance to him deter
So it's all over, your happy days
Your heart broken in many ways

by Claire Laws

TAKEN...

The last couple of weeks was "Taken-Series" night-outs for me. I've been spending time at Jed's place watching at least an episode a night. Pag di pa antok, more episodes!

It was only last weekend that I got to finish the entire 10 episodes.

If there was one thing that I'd consider as the most important thing that I learned after watching this series, it's when Ali, the alien offspring, asked this question in the end, "How do you really learn to let go? I guess the hardest thing we'll ever learn is how to say goodbye."

It was a simple question that gave me a lot of things to think about. Many times I've said goodbye to people that mattered to me, and I have never really mastered the art of not getting hurt by all this.

It saddens me to think about the relationship that I currently have...Sooner or later, I would have to end this. After all the fond memories that we continuously share, I end up asking the same question as Ali did...HOW?

I guess, to lighten up the mood, I would just have to tell myself, that even if we do end what we have sooner rather than later, another "kind" of relatinship will be built with him...Something that won't be emotionally damaging. Something that would be simplier. Again, the question is, how do you rebuild something like that without really getting hurt along the way?

I guess, some things don't really have answers, but we keep on asking anyway...This is probably what keeps us going on in this crazy world of ours.

CONFESSIONS...

Who do you tell when you love someone
Hoping that someone's in love with you
Who do you tell when you love someone
I think I might as well tell you

A friend of mine placed an entry on her blog about the confessions she made regarding her feelings for a dear friend...Little did I know that in a few days, I would be encountering the same scenario...

It isn't entirely the same though...

We had a petty fight over an issue that shouldn't be one: I was still seeing my ex-boyfriend. It can be an issue, if the guy wasn't married. My point is, nothing beyond friendship is bound to happen because of the reason I just stated. We probably just miss each other's company that's why we are seeing each other almost every other day.

That being the current situation, it came to me as a shock that he suddenly does not appreciate the fact that I spend time with my ex. "Fine...Be with him...You deserve someone better than me..." Hindi ka ba mashoshock pag bigla kang tinext ng ganito?? I had this feeling that he was ditching me that night...that he wanted to end it all...whatever it is that we had...Honestly, nataranta ako. It's as if my world stopped for a moment to let the rush of emotions hit me. Narealize ko, this honey-of-mine pala ngayon, has really become more than a current flame to me...Nalungkot ako imagining how life would be without him.

And so...I ended up doing what my good friend did: I confessed. Yes. I told him how I felt about what we have, that I value it, and that I'm not ready to see him go (and I don't think I'll ever be ready).

Unlike what happened to my good friend though, my sweetie replied. It was a reply that meant he understood me, and was even the one who said that nothing should change between us. At least, something good came out of the petty fight.

However, if only I have the chance to take it all back, I think I'd grab that opportunity. My feelings are an open-book to my closest friends, but I was hoping I could keep this from him...especially kung wala namang patutunguhan yung pag-confess ko. Nothing changed nga naman: he still does not feel the same. He probably feels something, but not the same way as I do...

Now, there's no turning back. Nasabi ko na ang mga dapat tinatago ko na lang sa sarili ko dahil sa takot na mawala siya.

I never learn...Tsk. Tsk.

GALERA WITH A DIFFERENT SET OF PEOPLE.

April 2 and 3...Jan and I joined Lod and company to Galera. Old beach. New set of friends. New feelings involved...For the first time, I had someone I'm "romantically involved" with, with me on this island. Yes, the man and his "so-called special friend" goes to Galera. Nagwagi ang kabit sa desisyong sumama siya. Oo, nag-away sila. Oo, naipilit ko ang gusto ko. Masarap ang pakiramdam ng nagwawagi sa ganitong sitwasyon dahil mula sa simula, TALO AKO. It was fun and sweet having him around that weekend...Feeling ko we made the bogus relationship stronger. Echos. Feeling ko lang talaga yan.=) For the first time rin, nag-banana boat ride ako. It was an experience...although may pasa ako after na hindi ko alam kung paano ko nakuha! Sa dinami-dami kong beses na nagpupunta sa beach, ngayon ko lang napicturan ang sunset. For the first time as well, pinahiram ko siya ng pera para pambili ng pasalubong sa #1 nya...Ayos ba. I think, being the emotional person that I am, I will say a lot more about this than any other topic.

There is a HUGE difference between being nice and being stupid. We all know this, and it is something that is repeatedly relayed to me by all of my closest friends. It's nice that I spend time with him. It's nice that I enjoy his company. BUT, it's stupid for me to tolerate him in making me his second girl. It's stupid for me to act as if I don't care. It's stupid for me to learn to love him...

There you go...I blurted it out. Yes. After 5 months, I have already come to accept the truth that along the way, I have come to love this guy to some degree. Too many times I have attempted to "create" an issue for him to get mad and just leave me, or magtampo sa mga maliliit na bagay para lang hindi na kami magpansinan, pero after a day, ok na naman ako. Hindi ko siya matiis pag nagpapakasweet na siya...and I guess, hindi ko lang talaga kayang mawala siya ng tuluyan, period. Eto na naman ako sa mga dead-end relationships...Alam ko ng ngang walang patutunguhan, sige pa rin. Idedefend ko na naman sarili ko by saying that the reason why I'm still engaging in such a relationship is because I'M HAPPY. True. I am happy...for almost 6 months now.

I just hope that when the time comes that I have to let go, I'm prepared for it. Sana may dumating ng iba before he decides to ditch me...before I'll be left all alone again.