I'M 26!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy To Me!!!!!

A VERY LONG ENTRY.

Extremely long time before I got to update this. It’s been toxic…really.
I can’t begin to express how much I missed journalizing. There are a lot of things that I want to share, but I have to maximize the little time I have for doing this.
So let me start… I think I did mention that I already resigned from West…and transferred to eTelecare. Got hired here last Nov. 8. Yup…same industry, new center. It’s been more than 3 years since I’ve been working in a callcenter, and I think I did gain a lot of experiences that helped me move up the ladder. Sana lang wag mawala ang industriyang to dahil ito na lang ang alam ko.=)
While I’m on training for the longest time, I developed this obsession with Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events. 11 books….DONE. Bought each and every book and read them, now I’m excited for the movie (which is showing today by the way)! Addict na talaga ako sa Powerbooks. Specifically sa Children’s section for easy reading.
What else…An interesting thing happened as I resigned from West, and started a new life here in Eastwood. Aside form meeting new people, I “re-met” someone…We used to work in the same center, until I left. It was surprising that after I left, he started acting…differently…Sobrang iba. We were too professional in the office I guess, that it came as a shock when he started texting, calling and seeing me. So there, I’m seeing this old friend, in a new light. So new that it still leaves me wondering how things started. Basta ang alam ko na lang, nagsimula sa text. He’s sweet, and makes time for me. He goes out of his way to visit me here in Eastwood, just so we could hang out for an hour or 2. We’ve seen all the movies we could possibly see, and tried new restaurants for pleasure. We make it a point to communicate at least 3 times a day, without anyone demanding for it. We are vocal when it comes to expressing how much we miss each other…And many more good things that I probably just couldn’t remember as of now.
Good things…yes, too good to be true. Totoo pala to: Life never gets worry-free…It refuses to curl up and sit quietly in a corner. And so I share this dilemma: he’s not mine alone. Sad, but true. We can never be commited. The truth is too painful. Nasasaktan din naman ako. Alam kong pinasok ko to at kasalanan ko rin na nasasaktan ako.
When something like this happens, I cant deny that I still get the feeling na tototohanin ako…Na hindi lang to for the meantime…That there really is something between us aside from admiration, lust and fondness. However, a lot of situations were presented that made me think that everything really is admiration, lust and fondness alone. I am once again, a meantime girl. Nagiging manhid na nga ako sa situation eh. Most of the time, I don’t react na lang…as if deadma lang ako sa pagka-straightforward nya na di ako nag iisa sa buhay nya…The truth is, everytime he’s not with me, I know he’s with someone else. Wala akong peace of mind. The only time I feel secure is when we’re together. Madalas naman kami magkasama, kaya siguro hindi ko mashadong nararamdaman yung sakit…Except at this very minute of course as I’m writing this.
I talked to a close friend of mine recently about this. He’s one of the TLs I met here at eTel who makes life more enjoyable. He knows the guy as well. He knows the truth behind us too. And so, as I explained everything, situation and scenarios, he asked why I’m still in the “relationship” kung nakikita ko naman lahat ng kapangitan, at kung alam ko namang mali. I defended myself and said that I’m still willing to be in this relationship not because umaasa ako, but because I don’t want to be alone. I hate the feeling…So if there’s an opportunity to be with someone I like naman, I grab it just so I wont be alone. And he said, “Does being with him for the meantime solve the problem of being alone? At the end of the day, you’re still alone Rei. She still has him.” OUCH. The truth REALLY hurts. However, I jumped in too early, held on too tight, and now I can’t let go…Sanay na kong he’s around…He’s a hard habit to break.
Based on the things I write, parang alam ko talaga ang gagawin ko. Alam ko ang tama sa mali. Alam ko nga. Ayoko lang gawin, and not because I can’t do anything about it or I don’t have a choice.
If there’s anything really, really good that I learned from Leadership Development Program, it’s 7 HABITS. It’s a very good book by Stephen Covey, which was followed by a really good book as well, the 8th HABIT. I’ve memorized the 7 Habits, but its something that you won’t be able to internalize overnight. It would take an awful lot of time to live these habits. After the training and all, I don’t think I’m practicing it by heart. There are still times that I act using my emotions and not my mind, a lot of times I live 1 day at a time and not see what’s in it for me and the people around me in the end, I still have a hard time prioritizing, I still live in a world where someone has to lose in order to win, I would often want to be understood first before understanding the other party, and, its still hard for me to think of others first before I do something. Mahirap ang 7 Habits….but it will definitely change how you see things once you master it.=)

So there…I’ve said A LOT. As usual, madaldal ako. Or, there really is no one to talk to where I am right now…